I sort of had a melt down today. Normally, I don't have melt downs because I can go out and run before something like that can happen, as I normally get to use running as my release, and I can pound out any problem on the pavement. I'm starting to go stir crazy, and now that running is not an option, I'm about to explode. I know I can't rush things, but I'm not dealing well right now, today. I just can't go out for a run and clear my head. I can't go anywhere and clear my head, I'm not even back to driving. I'm trying to put a positive spin on all of this, you know, looking ahead, beyond the injury and the healing, things will get better, but I live in the present,and right now it sucks...
There. I've said it. It does suck. It's not like I'm overly feeling sorry for myself or having a pity party. It's not a case of poor me because I know how fortunate I am. I have all this energy that I can't use. I did ponder throwing my kitchen dishes against the wall, but then I'd have to clean up the mess and buy new dishes... Playing fetch with the dog seemed like good idea (I'd get to throw something) but the dog wore out pretty fast. I also thought about going to the batting cages, but batting requires hip movement. I wished I were still making pottery, at least that way I could wedge the clay (requires throwing wet clay really hard at a concrete surface), or break down some greenware that I didn't plan on using anyway. I should ask my daughter if Walmart still has some sort of punching bag in stock because punching pillows just doesn't cut it... I just need to hold out for one more week and THEN I can start swimming.
To remind myself of better times ahead, I did retry on the silk floral dress I bought at Banana Republic on Monday. It was one of those dresses that I wasn't sure would look good on until I tried it on. Now I need to go undergarment shopping, since none of my bras work with this dress, since the straps cross in the back... and I need new strappy black sandals that I might be able to walk in... and a pedicure, because my toes aren't very pretty right now, and heaven knows I need to have my toes look good in strappy black sandals.
There. I've said it. It does suck. It's not like I'm overly feeling sorry for myself or having a pity party. It's not a case of poor me because I know how fortunate I am. I have all this energy that I can't use. I did ponder throwing my kitchen dishes against the wall, but then I'd have to clean up the mess and buy new dishes... Playing fetch with the dog seemed like good idea (I'd get to throw something) but the dog wore out pretty fast. I also thought about going to the batting cages, but batting requires hip movement. I wished I were still making pottery, at least that way I could wedge the clay (requires throwing wet clay really hard at a concrete surface), or break down some greenware that I didn't plan on using anyway. I should ask my daughter if Walmart still has some sort of punching bag in stock because punching pillows just doesn't cut it... I just need to hold out for one more week and THEN I can start swimming.
To remind myself of better times ahead, I did retry on the silk floral dress I bought at Banana Republic on Monday. It was one of those dresses that I wasn't sure would look good on until I tried it on. Now I need to go undergarment shopping, since none of my bras work with this dress, since the straps cross in the back... and I need new strappy black sandals that I might be able to walk in... and a pedicure, because my toes aren't very pretty right now, and heaven knows I need to have my toes look good in strappy black sandals.PEACE
8 comments:
Irene, you are SO entitled to a meltdown. You've faced this with strength and maturity but dammit, it still sucks and I'm sorry for you. Note, it's not pity as in "I feel sorry for you". You worked your ass off to get ready for that race and you love that race and you didn't get to run it, and now (for now) you can't run at all and it all sucks. I know we are fortunate and should generally keep that in mind but when something sucks sometimes you just have to say it.
I hope you find something soon that helps you relieve that stress. Swimming will be great!
Aw, hon, you can't keep a positive attitude ALL the time, especially when what's going on is SUCKY. It's NOT fair and it DOES suck, not to mention the PAIN you must be dealing with. Next week you get to start swimming? Sounds great! That will help big time.
That dress sounds very pretty. You're gonna look absolutely beautiful with your pretty manicured toes in those new pretty sandals!
Retail therapy - there you go! Seriously, I can only imagine how difficult this must be for you. Take care.
(And I missed your birthday so a belated happy birthday to you!)
madonna?
everyone is entitled to a meltdown once in a while. i am on the verge too as my back isn't getting any better.
you are going to look fabulous in that dress, once you get a pedi. man, i've been meaning to talk to you about that. ;)
You go ahead and meltdown as much as you need to... You deserve it and probably, it's a more than little bit good for you to let off some angst.
I've only been running a little while (about 3 years, and only seriously for the last year or so)...one of the things on my list of things to worry about is what happens if I get hurt and have to stop running...it's become so much a part of who I am...
So, I've gotta agree with Michelle, and everyone else who has commented here, that getting hurt sucks, but I a completely optimistic that you'll be back...and when you are, we'll run together...OK?
Michelle,
Thanks. I appreciate the support! I just had an annoying day. I'm looking forward to swimming!
Evelyne,
I know I can count on you for encouragement! Thanks. Now, onto more important things like pedicures and shoes... LOL.
Rachel,
I also ordered a Bistro Table for my front porch. Even on-line retail therapy helps! Thanks!
Barbie2be,
The back thing has to suck, too. I hope that gets resolved somehow. Sorry about the ugly toes, but, it goes with the territory of running. At least I have all of my toenails back! Tee hee.
AKA Alice,
Thanks!!!!
I'd soooo love to run with you! It will happen, I'm sure of that!
All I can say is: What took you so long?! EVERYONE hits a point in the healing process where the frustration overflows.
And I hope all the accoutrements to support the new dress make you feel even better. Banana Republic is my favorite store.
Anne,
It was the drugs. I think once I weaned myself off the Rx pain killers, I started feeling EVERYTHING, including suppressed emotions.
I still need a pedicure. ;)
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