Tuesday, March 29, 2011

No Scrubs

I have a 20k race coming up THIS Saturday.  What the heck was I thinking?  It was either do the 16 mile train run, which is mostly coastal, or do the 20K race, which is inland and hilly.  I really like the train run, all 16 miles of it.  The track club does this run every year.  We meet at the train station and take the train 16 miles up the coast and run back.  Since I've opted to train for the San Diego Rock 'n' Roll HALF MARATHON this year, I have  free admission to this 20K race through the track club.  If I were signed up for the MARATHON, I'd have my train fare paid for and would be running 16 miles.   I'm going into the 20K with an open mind.  I'm not at all familiar with the route, and I just keep hearing that it's a hard race due to the hills. I'm not a newbie to hills, but I haven't been training on hills as much as I should be. 

Other Stuff

I was somewhat vague in my last post about certain details.  My new job really isn't a new job, but I'll be working for a doctor who I was employed with several years ago.   Through Facebook, a former coworker contacted me wanting to know if I knew anyone who was looking for a job.  Me!  I'm keeping an open mind about this job because it will be much different than my last workplace, but I'm looking forward  to working for someone who isn't a complete psychopath.  I'm looking forward to a much calmer workplace. No more scrubs.

 Lake Murray with Cowels Mountain in the background.  It was much prettier closer to the lake. Trust me.

Ducks do not like having their pictures taken.  They were just about ready to call in their body guard ducks.

FYI, the pictures in my last post (and in this post) are from Lake Murray in La Mesa, CA, which AKA Alice affectionately refers to as "Lake Boy Part." 

Lentils and eggs actually go together for breakfast,  and strawberries and rosemary go well together in a compote or jam.  You need an ice cream maker to make gelatto.  1st grade homework is ridiculous.  Yeah, I've had some time on my hands the past couple of weeks.

Friday's Song:
Best Days -  Graham Colton


Friday, March 25, 2011

Best Days

 Over the past couple of weeks, I've been doing a lot of running on this:

Stopping to look at and smell these:

Spending a lot more time with:

and reconnecting with:

It has been a good mental vacation of sorts, but I've been in search of employment, and have been spending way too much time looking here:

Last week I received this:

For whatever it's worth, I normally don't put a lot of stock into what a fortune cookie says, but I was hopeful.

This week, this happened:

I start back to work in two weeks.  Whew.

Song from Wednesday, March 16, 2011:
Peace - Norah Jones


Wednesday, March 16, 2011


Monday night I was watching some mindless TV* and had a revelation.  I realized that I felt good.  I almost forgot what feeling good felt like.

My eyes were no longer puffy and allergy affected.

My body didn't ache.

My mind was clear.

I was relaxed. 

I also went for a run earlier in the day, on Monday, and my run felt good.  My runs almost always feel good, even a crappy run is a good run, but this was different.  I felt more aware and more in control.  I think it's time to crank up the running and be a little bit more competitive again.  Cruising is fine, but I'm getting the energy back to push myself again.

Aside from not feeling sick and running better, I also noticed that my animals are happy that I'm home.  They will not leave my side.  On Tuesday we all sat on the back porch to watch the sunset.** 

Actually, I sat on the back porch and watched the sunset, the dog was at my feet, one cat was on my lap, and the other cat was sitting behind me.  I wished I had been able to photograph that moment.  It was peaceful.

I'm sure the people in my house appreciate that I'm not cranky and tired all the time.  They just don't glue themselves to me.  Heh.

Sunday's Song:
That's It, I Quit, I'm Movin' On - Sam Cook, Adele - Extra bonus points to Katiefeldmom for guessing Adele


*The Bachelor... and it really was mindless...
** Actually, a sunset photo from another day, but I needed a sunset photo from my back yard.  I didn't want this blog post to be picture-less.

Sunday, March 13, 2011

That's It, I Quit, I'm Movin' On

Brownie points if you know who originally sang the song (blog post title). Extra bonus points if you know who sang it exclusively for an iTunes Live mix. :) 

My last day of work was Friday. I really wasn't sure what to expect, but I dressed as if I were spending the entire day there to finish a few last details and hand off my patient load to my coworkers, but after the morning meeting my boss handed me my checks, said I was paid up until the close of the office that day, which is 1:00 PM, and I could go on about my life. That's all fine and good, but I would normally put in 3 hours over that time, so I felt somewhat gypped out of some pay. For someone who shows up early to work and leaves late, this gesture, however seemingly kind on the surface, was not kind. Had I known she was going to release me in that way I would have showed up for work in running garb and gone for a run around the lake near by. I had no running gear in my car.* What a waste of make-up! I did get to say good-bye to my coworkers, and that part was worth my time and effort.

The type A portion of my personality was somewhat screwed.  I thought I had my day planned, but it was early and I had not planned for this sudden free time.  Since it was so early in the day, none of the places I thought to go to were opened yet.  I ended up on the freeway getting stuck in traffic for 45 minutes going west. I guess the only advantage to getting stuck in traffic was listening to the morning radio show and getting to hear Sam the Cooking Guy.  (I'm trying to look for the positive here, people --  all 10 of you who still read this!)   Instead of returning home, I went out to Shelter Island and walked around.  There wasn't much to see since the fog had not burned off yet, and the water wasn't swelling yet due to the impending tsunami.**  I had no camera.  I had no running gear.  I was wearing my scrubs and felt like such a dork being dressed for work and no place to go, but I went for a brief, purposeless walk. The type C portion of my personality took over at this point.  I had no back-up plans.

What do you do when you feel directionless?  

Once all the businesses opened, I said good bye to my last pay and reimbursable checks and made a deposit at my credit union, then spend the rest of the day sort of aimless.  I had no groove. There was no one available to hang out with.  I really don't like shopping unless I need something, which means malls were out of the question.  I didn't want to be home, yet.  Since I had some time to burn I ended up walking in to a salon for a mani-pedi, which are usually a pretty good time suck, but not time sucky enough.

Now what?  This directionless crap is not for me.

To make an already long and boring story/blog post short, I ended up getting my running gear at home, but went for a walk because asthma kicked up.

All of this nothingness made me tired and wiped out.  Perhaps it was the accumulation of 4 months of not sleeping well and being stressed.  Perhaps it was the realization that  I was finally out of a toxic work environment -- and by toxic, not only mentally and emotionally toxic,  I mean physically toxic.  I was always sick.  I've lost a ridiculous amount of weight, and not in a good way.  The crazy thing is that I'm eating a ton of calories. I should be overweight. My skinny jeans are huge.  Any who...  I finally ended up back home and slept for HOURS.    

This not like me.  I need to get me back.

Now I look to a new week, and perhaps a fresh start. The resume has been dusted off and revised.  Craigslist isn't going to know what hit it.

Until I hit Craigslist, I'll be hitting the pavement.

Last Monday's Song:
Hard Headed Woman - Cat Stevens


*I normally keep an extra set of running shoes, running clothes and other extra running essentials in my car in a plastic storage bin, everything was removed from my car for routine maintenance.

**Yes, our coast had a TSUNAMI warning, brought on by the devastating earthquake and tsunami in Japan.. Although it was not dramatic here, it did cause the water to swell, causing some very minor damage in our area, and actually did cause some rip currents. The irony is that the warning was to stay a way from the coast, but it caused people to come out to the coast in droves. Funny, when you tell people NOT to do something they automatically go and do it. By the way, me ending up at the bay had nothing to do with wanting to see the tsumami. The bay was affected, but not by much. There were no crowds. I just needed somewhere to go. 

Monday, March 07, 2011

Hard Headed Woman

I went to my therapist on Sunday.

I was reluctant to go at first, but I really needed to put myself out there.

At first I felt so awkward. It's just me and my thoughts, trying to work out my feelings, my emotions, my strengths and weaknesses.

I wanted to cry, but I felt more like laughing.

My head was full of contradictions.

"I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and, gosh darn it, people like me."

"I am woman, hear me roar."

"I'm drained."

"I'm tired."


"Who am I kidding?" 

My therapist reminded me that I needed to keep on going, that no one is going to carry me. Sometimes things just suck. That's just the way it is. That's not what I wanted to hear, but she is right. As much as I wish that someone else would carry me, it's up to me.

My therapist also reminded me that it's OK to stop and smell the flowers, watch the birds fly and the children play. It's OK to take a break. 

When I was finished with my session I felt better.

Meet my therapist.

13.62 miles of therapy on Sunday.

Saturday's Song:

Why Not Me? - The Judds


Saturday, March 05, 2011

Why Not Me?

It appears that I've placed in my age group for the Sue Krenn 15k this morning. That's all fine and good, but I was at work when the said race was taking place.

I wonder how fast I went?

That is all.

Saturday, February 26. 2011's Song:
Love Roller Coaster - Ohio Players, Red Hot Chili Peppers - Run DMZ