Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Pretty and the Fair

In a post last year, I had discussed losing my mother to cancer when she was only 57 years old, about 22 years ago. Mother's Day is a bittersweet day for me in that I am a mother, but my mother is no longer around and she missed things like meeting my son, my grandson, and just being here. Yeah... Time does heals the wounds, as they say, but there's still that void of her just not being here, ya know?

I have friend I've know from high school who also lost her mother to cancer way too early. Every now and then we'll e-mail each other around Mother's Day just to say something simple like "thinking of you." I wrote the first e-mail this time, just saying that I was thinking of my friend and how much I know she misses her mother, and I'm right there with her. She e-mailed me back and made a comment that really surprised me. My friend is single, never married, never had kids. She insinuated that because I'm married and have kids I couldn't possibly miss my mother as much. WTF??? I don't care if you're married, single, man, woman, have kids, don't have kids, employed, unemployed, 25 years old or 85 years old, but when you lose someone close to you it stings. Who is to judge which person feels their loss the worst, or misses their loved one the most??? That's stupid. Even after 22 years I think it sucks that I just can't call up my mom to see what she thought of some silly TV show or if she knew some weird remedy for hiccups. I can't turn to her after a bad day for a little slap in the face reality check and piece of homemade coffee cake that she was known for. Damn it.

I just had to get that off my chest.

Yesterday's song:
When You Wish Upon A Star - Jimney Cricket (Cliff Edwards) - Run-DMZ


leslie said...

Sounds like your friend is lonely and hurting, and wishes she had your family situation. But you're right -- your sense of loss is no less keen than hers is. I'm glad you got in touch with her -- we always need more good in this world.

Sending hugs from NorCal.

Flo said...

While having a hubby and kids helps, it doesn't take away from missing your mother. I can't believe how much I still miss mine after 6 years. I still have those thoughts where I want to call her only to remember I can't :( Your friend was probably just having a real bad day.

Michelle said...

My mother has a place in my life that my husband doesn't fill so I totally get what you're saying. It just doesn't work that way. Sounds like your friend is really lonely. Take care.

NotSoccer Mom said...

oh wow. it's sad when folks try to insinuate that they know how you're feeling. that sucks. sorry you had to hear that from a "friend."

Evelyne said...

I can relate, 'cause come Father's Day, I miss my Dad something awful. I'm sorry you got that response from your friend.

Irene said...

You've hit the nail on the head. Thanks.

She has been a good friend through the years, but I was kind of shocked at her comments. I do think she wants what I have.

Exactly. No one can take the place of my mom.

Nobody know exaclty how that pain is. What it's like for me is going to be different for you, and the next person.

Some years it's easier than others, but I still miss her.

barbie2be said...

irene, i am so sorry your "friend" said something like that. i know that in the nearly 11 years that my mother has been gone, i miss her more some days than others, but i miss her none the less. in fact, i have on more than one occasion since she passed, found myself with the phone in my hand and her number half way dialed.

happy mothers day to you. i wish tht your mother had been here to share it with you.

Irene said...

Thanks. It really threw me... She has been a good friend through the years. Perhaps she was having a moment of great insecurity.

Sunshine said...

Thank you for writing this post.

Mother's Day is hard for me, too.
My Mom died in 1980 .. cancer. She was gone so fast.
I don't try to phone her in my dreams as often anymore, but oh I miss her.

Thank you for what you wrote.